Gratitude, Entiltement, and being Mom
There have been times when I've felt that I work hard. I have five kids who need to be fed, clothed, shopped for, transported, taught, hugged, loved, disciplined, laughed with, sent to bed, woken up, encouraged, lectured, corrected, and loved. All of that is work. (I listed love twice by accident, but I left it there on purpose.) On the other hand, on the occasional summer days that Jared wakes up at 4:15 so that he can work for 14 hours and still get to Bishopric meeting, I feel lazy. Still, I've always believed that moms are entitled to stay home with their kids. That's a great way to live. Being home when kids are little is just so ideal. Sure, there are hard moments; three kids under age four was hard for a couple of years, as was having two kids in diapers, waking up several times each night with a baby, and having kids who tease, fight, don't listen, won't nap, etc. Little kids who are impatient and persistent (read: impossible to derail) are tough; older kids who push the limits are tough; kids with learning problems or emotional issues are tough. And being YW president for four years and through the births of two kids was sometimes very hard. But overall, being (primarily) at home with my kids for the past sixteen years has been truly great. I feel so fortunate that our circumstances allowed that.
At the same time, I believe that going to work will also be good. Here's why:
My time of entitlement has run out. Why? Because in August, I won't have any little people at home. Yes, it's a little sad. But it's also okay. The years I've spent at home are a treasure, and they have passed too quickly. But I can't change the fact that time doesn't stop, and since I was here with them for almost every breath and every moment, I have no regrets. Truly none. [Except maybe that I didn't smile enough, or that I yelled a few times...] So moving on to a new phase of life is okay.
See, here's the thing: If I hold on to the idea that it's alright--or good--for me to stay at home when I don't have a reason to, and when I can be of more value making needed money for our family, then I'm doing the wrong thing. I'd be feeling entitled to something that's no longer mine. Were our circumstances different, then that'd be a differnt story. But, this is our life. I've always felt that one day I would use my education. I've prepared for this time; I'm improving my skills...why fight it?
It's just the way things are.
And, you know, it's another way for me to work hard for my family. When I work hard for what I have, I'm grateful. And in a few years I'll probably be able to say that my income paid for some of Taylor's tuition, or for braces, or even for part of Caleb's mission. Now, that's cool. And I'm glad to have that opportunity. So good-bye, entitement. Hello, opportunity.
At the same time, I believe that going to work will also be good. Here's why:
My time of entitlement has run out. Why? Because in August, I won't have any little people at home. Yes, it's a little sad. But it's also okay. The years I've spent at home are a treasure, and they have passed too quickly. But I can't change the fact that time doesn't stop, and since I was here with them for almost every breath and every moment, I have no regrets. Truly none. [Except maybe that I didn't smile enough, or that I yelled a few times...] So moving on to a new phase of life is okay.
See, here's the thing: If I hold on to the idea that it's alright--or good--for me to stay at home when I don't have a reason to, and when I can be of more value making needed money for our family, then I'm doing the wrong thing. I'd be feeling entitled to something that's no longer mine. Were our circumstances different, then that'd be a differnt story. But, this is our life. I've always felt that one day I would use my education. I've prepared for this time; I'm improving my skills...why fight it?
It's just the way things are.
And, you know, it's another way for me to work hard for my family. When I work hard for what I have, I'm grateful. And in a few years I'll probably be able to say that my income paid for some of Taylor's tuition, or for braces, or even for part of Caleb's mission. Now, that's cool. And I'm glad to have that opportunity. So good-bye, entitement. Hello, opportunity.
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