The Clock is Ticking

Several years ago when my first three kids were young I realized that I'd spent more time pregnant than not.  When I wasn't pregnant I was nursing.  Now that that time is past, I can see the blessing of it: my hormones were on hiatus, or at least disguised. That's not to say I never struggled, but I don't remember being very weeepy.  Now I am a dam and periodically I break and gush forth a river of tears. Lately I have wanted to cry every time I look at my oldest kids. I simply cannot believe how blessed I am to have them--and how quickly I will need to give them up. I realize that the ability to see and feel this is a blessing, but it's a realization that is bittersweet and tinged with a lot of motherly sadnesss.   I don't know how to explain my feelings, so I don't try.  I just try to appreciate every moment.

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